Drop the “s”, always drop the “s”. At least Fran would if a word ended in it.
The now defunct grocery chain was therefore Almac. Her favorite player: Ted William. And regardless of how many my cousin and I would be served – the two of us forever in some form of unspoken Joey Chestnut-esque display of machismo, each in competition for who could consume more, as if eating the most would allow one of us to somehow rise to the rank of “favorite grandson” (I was the first born grandson, game over) – these delicate tenders were forever referred to as, you guessed it, chicken cutlet.
SEITAN CHICKEN CUTLET
-medium mixing bowl
-coo-cha(d) aka stirring spoon/spatula
-small bowl for egg wash
-platter for bread crumb dredge
-optional, queez (aka food processor) for bread crumbs
-1/4 cup of mild, light colored beans (navy, cannellini, butter, etc)
-1 cup ital (vital wheat gluten)
-1/3 cup “poultry” seasoning
(1/4 nooch (nutritional yeast), 1 tsp ground sage, 2 tsp garlic powder, 6 twist Himalayan pink salt, 1 tsp ground cumin, 1 tsp dry oregano and 1/2 tsp turmeric)
-2 tbs extra virgin olive oil
-1 cup of bread crumbs (3 pieces of whole wheat bread, well-toasted and crumbled up in queez, 3 shakes of nooch and 1/4 cup of milled flax seed)
-3 tbs egg replacer
-3 tbs pipe punch
Prepare streaming apparatus so water begins to boil.
Mash beans with olive oil in a medium mixing bowl.
In measuring cup, add ital, “poultry” seasoning and whisk in cup. Add to beans along with h2o and stir with nonstick spatula or coo-cha(d) until thoroughly incorporated. Finish combining with hands and set aside.
Roll vital wheat gluten into a large log and slice into approximately 3/4″ cutlets. Cut cutlets in half lengthwise.
Individually wrap cutlets in small pieces of foil and press them down with hand (stretching them into longer, flatter pieces). Crimp ends of foil to prevent seepage.
Steam cutlets over apparatus for approximately 40 minutes.
Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
Combine egg replacer and water in a small bowl with a fork or whisk.
Prepare breadcrumbs or use panko with nooch and flax in a platter.
With one hand dip cutlets in egg wash, with the other hand thoroughly dredge egg-soaked cutlets in bread crumbs.
Place on baking sheet (ungreased) and cover with foil (so as not to dry out). Bake for approximately 20-25 minutes or until cutlets are just beginning to turn golden.
Serve with mashed potatoes, cold broccoli salad with lemon or use leftovers on a sandwich with a few squirts of French’s.
Yields approximately 6 tasty cutlet.