Zucchini “Meat” Balls

Finally, time to enjoy the zuccha of my labor. Instead of store-boughts these zuccha balls are sure to please. Well, please me at the very least.
For the record, I despise having to put “quotes” around words like “meat”.

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ZUCCHINI “MEAT” BALLS

Supplies:
–large mixing bowl
–queez
–cucchia(d) or large scraper
–large fry pan or wok
–tongs for turning balls while frying
–large Pyrex container

Ingredients:
–1 large zucchini,cored of seeds and pulverized in queez
–1 small zucchini, cored of seeds and finely diced
–1 medium onion, pulverized in queez
–4 medium baby-bella mushrooms, finely diced
–5 cloves of fresh garlic, minced
–1/4 cup fresh chopped parsley
–1/8 cup fresh chopped basil
–2 cups of dry bread crumbs (unseasoned)
–1 1/2 cups of TVP
–1/4 cup of white quinoa
–1/4 cup of nooch (nutritional yeast)
–5 generous squirts of Bragg’s liquid amino
–2 TBS Gravy Master (for color)
–1/2 cup organic tomato ketchup
–Egg-replacer, slurried into the equivalent of 3 eggs
–2 TBS garlic powder
–sea salt to taste
–several grinds of fresh cracked black pepper
–extra virgin olive oil for frying/baking

Procedure:
Queez the zuccha and onions to a pulp – it will get wet.

In large mixing bowl combine the pulpy veg slurry with the bread crumbs and half of the TVP. Stir thoroughly. Add mushrooms, parsley, basil and diced zuccha to the mixture. Season with dry ingredients.

Add the ketchup, egg replacer and Bragg’s along with remaining TVP, nooch and dry quinoa. Mix thoroughly and let it sit for about 30 minutes so the TVP and quinoa can hydrate.

With your hands form the mixture into tight 2.5″ balls.

In a large fry pan/skillet/wok heat a few drops of oil over medium flame. Lower the heat and start frying the balls in batches (adding more oil when needed, but do not saturate them in fat). Make certain that all the “wet” areas are browned, reshaping them back into balls with the tongs as you gently turn.

Pre-heat oven to 250*. Transfer balls to a lightly-oiled Pyrex container and bake them off for about 45 minutes.

Yields approximately 2 dozen meatless balls.

Ladle lots of gravy atop and serve alongside your favorite pasta. Better still, refrigerate overnight, throw them on nice, crusty rolls and make them into grinders for lunch the next day.

And Then a Miracle, a Squash (I Can Never Grow Zuccha Anymore)

I’m gonna hide
If she don’t leave me a gourd
I’m gonna run – away

Don’t!!

’cause you can never grow zuccha anymore

[Spoken:]
Listen. Does this sound familiar? You wake up every morning, walk through the garden every day, spend your nights staring at the moon,
just passing the time away.
Life is so lonely like a dirt-covered pepper without a wash.
Then a miracle, a squash.

And that’s called “glad.”

Now my garden is a good garden
and she loves me with all her soil.
But she said I was too greedy to have a harvest
and the squash and I would have to recoil.

And no matter how I ranted and raved, I screamed, I pleaded, I cried
she told me it was not really a worthwhile harvest,
but only my green-thumbed pride.

And that’s called “bad.”

(Never grow zuccha anymore)

[Spoken:]
Now if that’s happened to you, don’t let this.
I pulled weeds and hoed
and watered them every night.
Though she couldn’t promise me a yield
I was sure I was right.

And you know something funny??
I forgot that squash right away.
Instead, I remember picking tomatoes
and hearing my garden say…

(Hush, little vegan, don’t you cry)
(Garden won’t go away)

Garden!!!

(You can never grow zuccha anymore)
Garden!!!

I can never grow zuccha anymore

[Spoken:]
Listen, I’m not finished…
Do you ever get that feeling and wanna rake and till her? Do it now-
Show her you love her. Don’t do to your garden what I did to mine. She grew so lonely
in the end. Angels picked her for a friend.

(Never)

And I can never grow zuccha (never) anymore

And that’s called “sad.”

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———————————
I like the Shangri-Las.
This was written by Jerry Grimaldi.
Although I can’t be certain, I will assume that due to the fact he was an eye-tie, Fran and Sam liked his work.
Miraculously, a single summer squash plant grew back and I found the above, yellow yield.
Get it? Too bad.