Zucchini “Meat” Balls

Finally, time to enjoy the zuccha of my labor. Instead of store-boughts these zuccha balls are sure to please. Well, please me at the very least.
For the record, I despise having to put “quotes” around words like “meat”.

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ZUCCHINI “MEAT” BALLS

Supplies:
–large mixing bowl
–queez
–cucchia(d) or large scraper
–large fry pan or wok
–tongs for turning balls while frying
–large Pyrex container

Ingredients:
–1 large zucchini,cored of seeds and pulverized in queez
–1 small zucchini, cored of seeds and finely diced
–1 medium onion, pulverized in queez
–4 medium baby-bella mushrooms, finely diced
–5 cloves of fresh garlic, minced
–1/4 cup fresh chopped parsley
–1/8 cup fresh chopped basil
–2 cups of dry bread crumbs (unseasoned)
–1 1/2 cups of TVP
–1/4 cup of white quinoa
–1/4 cup of nooch (nutritional yeast)
–5 generous squirts of Bragg’s liquid amino
–2 TBS Gravy Master (for color)
–1/2 cup organic tomato ketchup
–Egg-replacer, slurried into the equivalent of 3 eggs
–2 TBS garlic powder
–sea salt to taste
–several grinds of fresh cracked black pepper
–extra virgin olive oil for frying/baking

Procedure:
Queez the zuccha and onions to a pulp – it will get wet.

In large mixing bowl combine the pulpy veg slurry with the bread crumbs and half of the TVP. Stir thoroughly. Add mushrooms, parsley, basil and diced zuccha to the mixture. Season with dry ingredients.

Add the ketchup, egg replacer and Bragg’s along with remaining TVP, nooch and dry quinoa. Mix thoroughly and let it sit for about 30 minutes so the TVP and quinoa can hydrate.

With your hands form the mixture into tight 2.5″ balls.

In a large fry pan/skillet/wok heat a few drops of oil over medium flame. Lower the heat and start frying the balls in batches (adding more oil when needed, but do not saturate them in fat). Make certain that all the “wet” areas are browned, reshaping them back into balls with the tongs as you gently turn.

Pre-heat oven to 250*. Transfer balls to a lightly-oiled Pyrex container and bake them off for about 45 minutes.

Yields approximately 2 dozen meatless balls.

Ladle lots of gravy atop and serve alongside your favorite pasta. Better still, refrigerate overnight, throw them on nice, crusty rolls and make them into grinders for lunch the next day.

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Whole Wheat Thin-Crust Pizza on Scratch-Made Dough

Whole Wheat Dough

Supplies:
-medium mixing bowl
-silicone scraper
-sifter
-coffee cup (to be filled with tepid pipe punch)
-dish rag (aka mapine)
-deep-lipped cooking vessel filled 1/4 way with pipe punch

Ingredients:
-3 cups whole wheat flour (sifted)
-2 tbs sea salt
-1 package of instant rise yeast
-3/4 cup tepid water (for activating yeast)
-a few sprinkles of vital wheat gluten (optional, but gives dough/crust more body)

Method:
-preheat oven to lowest setting for 3 minutes and then turn off.

-place 1/4-filled cooking vessel on lowest rack (creates “atmosphere” for dough proofing)

-soft flour into bowl with salt and ital.

-whisk 3/4 package of yeast in tepid water and set aside (do not feed with salt or sugar – it kills the yeast!)

-sprinkle remaining yeast in flour mixiee.

-create a well in flour and vigorously pour in yeast water. Mix with scraper and slowly incorporate more water until dough forms. Should be sticky, but not too wet.

-do not over mix and do not use hands (kills yeast).

-cover bowl with moist mopine (rag) and pop in oven to proof for 45 minutes.

-dough should double in size. Punch down on a floured surface and lay it flat into a rectangle shape about 2″ thick. Fold the sides in to make a log and he. Roll loosely like a jelly roll.

-cover with moist mopine, pop in oven and repeat three times, in 30 min increments.

Roll out dough and make pie like these:

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(Pineapple/shroom and vegan BBQ chix w/ caramelized onions and lots of nooch)

Local Apples: Orchard-Picked, Peeled and Whipped into a Crisp

Amongst his many preferences, Papa-boy liked two things for certain: his caps styled in a manner similar to that of a newsboy and his apples devoid of any choking hazard, completely peeled.
I can’t help but recall, “Do you want an apple? Here, papa will peel it for you”, every time I shed their skin.

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VEGAN APPLE CRISP

Supplies:
-small saucepan
-medium mixing bowl
-cucchia(d) or scraper
-Pyrex-styled casserole dish

Ingredients:
-6 or 7 medium apples, peeled, cored and sliced into 3/4″ pieces (use a mix of sweet and tart varietals)
-1 cup of farm-fresh apple cider (plus 2 tbs)
-1/2 cup of pure sugar cane
-3 tsp powdered vegan egg replacer
-a few dashes of cinnamon
-a dash of ground clove
-a few grates of fresh nutmeg (or shake of powdered)
-1 cup of rolled oats
-1/4 cup ground golden flax seed (optional)

Procedure:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Peel, core and slice apples. Place in mixing bowl and set aside.

In small saucepan bring cider to a steady boil. Add sugar and stir. Reduce and add a slurry of egg replacer which has been whisked with remaining cider. Lower heat and add cinnamon, clove and nutmeg. A thin syrup should form. Remove from heat and allow to cool.

Add syrup to apples and mix thoroughly.

Toss coated apples into un-greased Pyrex vessel. Keep as much of the excess liquid in bowl as possible.

Combine oats and flax in mixing bowl and incorporate with excess liquid, but do not over-stir.

Loosely press down apples with back of cucchia(d) and top with oat mixture. Sprinkle with a bit of cinnamon and sugar and pop in oven for about 40-50 minutes or until oat topping crisps up and turns golden.

Serving:
Serve piping hot, Travis Bickle-style (with a piece of melted Daiya on top) or with a dollop of vanilla, coconut-based “ice cream”. Yields about 8 decent snack-sized portions.

Scratch-Made Sweet Potato Gnocchi Carbonara

It’s safe to say that I get quite “weird” when I’m famished. On Easter Sunday 1988 my family went out for our customary post-mass dinner – unfortunately, my hungered state got the best of me. While waiting to be seated I was driven to punch my sister in the arm for giving me a hard time about being too short or too pale or having too long of a pony tail or being the first born male or for all of the above.

Although I was scolded for my ungentlemanly behavior, I distinctly recall my father giving me a sympathetic look in the manner of, “yeah, she was kinda asking for it, but don’t you dare do that again”. I also remember my grandfather’s far less sympathetic glare that positioned itself more along the lines of, “you’re lucky I don’t get the strap with the motor on it”.

Although Mr. C’s Restaurant is now long gone, watch out… I still go crazy for my gnocchi.

SWEET POTATO GNOCCHI

Supplies:
-large pasta pot filled 3/4 to top with pipe punch for boiling
-medium mixing bowl
-potato masher
-scraper/spatula or cucchia(d)

Ingredients:
-3 sweet potatoes peeled, cubed and boiled until mushy
-3 tbs Nayonaise (sounds unappetizing, but adds flavor and tofu helps bind dough)
-2 cups APF plus 1 cup
-a dusting of ital (vital wheat gluten)

Procedure:
In medium mixing bowl smash sweet potatoes with veganaise until smooth. Slowly fold in 2 cups of flour and a dusting of ital. Mix with hands until a dough ball is formed.

Transfer dough to lightly floured work surface and incorporate remaining flour until it is no longer sticky.

Roll into snakes about 1″ thick in diameter. Using the edge of a fork divide into pillows and lightly push through flour with back side of fork.

Bring water to a rapid boil and then in go the gnocchi – make certain that they don’t stick together and form a giant blob (toss gingerly with handheld strainer or slotted spoon).

Gnocchi are done when they rise to top of water. Do not rinse.

EGGLESS CARBONARA

Supplies:
-large skillet

Ingredients:
-1/4 cup diced guanciale (vegan bacon with liquid smoke)
-2 cloves of garlic thinly sliced
-2 tbs extra virgin olive oil
-1 pound of cooked pasta (use sweet potato gnocchi above)
-several twists of fresh cracked black pepper
-2 shakes garlic powder
-2 tbs vegan butter spread
-1/2 cup of frozen peas

Procedure:
Heat olive oil in pan and lower to medium heat. Brown guanciale strips until almost burned. Add garlic and stir.
Combine pasta in the mix making certain not to stir with a spoon – toss gingerly from time to time. The idea is to get a slight browning on the skin of pasta.

Season with pepper and garlic powder. Toss in frozen peas and dollop of vegan butter, allowing it to melt and coat the pasta.

Serving:
Serve along side fresh tomato salad or leafy greens and top with plenty of nooch (for cheesiness). Yields approximately 3 hearty servings.

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Seitan Chicken Cutlet (Baked, Not Fried)

Drop the “s”, always drop the “s”. At least Fran would if a word ended in it.

The now defunct grocery chain was therefore Almac. Her favorite player: Ted William. And regardless of how many my cousin and I would be served – the two of us forever in some form of unspoken Joey Chestnut-esque display of machismo, each in competition for who could consume more, as if eating the most would allow one of us to somehow rise to the rank of “favorite grandson” (I was the first born grandson, game over) – these delicate tenders were forever referred to as, you guessed it, chicken cutlet.

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Lentils with Guanciale

Lentils were always on the ready due to their low cost and satisfying qualities. This is in addition to their ultra-savory appeal – made possible by chunks of salty/smoky pig’s head.

Traditional: the cheek/jowl flesh of a pig is rubbed with spice and aged for about a month.

Veganized: 1/2 package of May-Wah vegan bacon strips cut into fine pieces, seasoned with sage, black pepper and three drops of liquid smoke.

That’s how I make guanciale (gwan-cha-lay).

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Brown vegan guanciale with diced onions.

Prepare lentils right on top of guanciale crisps (1 cup dry to 2 cups pipe punch or veg broth).

When liquid has been absorbed and lentils are done, add cubed sweet potatoes that have been boiled until tender.

Garnish with parsley and serve alongside garlicky greens.